It would seem that my mommy life is sometimes confusing for readers. They take one look and determine that either I am extremely unhappy or that I enjoy a good complain fest. Let me reassure you that I am neither unhappy or a constant complainer.
My blog is primarily dedicated to the dirty side of being a mother. More often than not all I find are smoke and mirrors that are determined to show parenting as only this most wonderful experience. And, while I agree that there is nothing better than being a mom, I also know that there are days when you would rather get in the car and drive away than to deal with your child(ren). Possibly this is just me but I don't think so.
I just think that voicing that thought seems scary and wrong so many of us attempt to pretend it doesn't exist. I don't think it is wrong. I don't believe there is anything wrong with speaking up and saying this whole being a mother thing can be really crazy, and sometimes down right difficult.
However, just in case you don't believe I can deal with the sunshine...try this on for size.
Lately I look into my children's eyes and more often than not I'm brought to tears because I love them so much. They are growing by leaps and bounds each day. Ireland is starting addition today and Erin is now writing and recognizing written words. Michael still can't roll over from his back to his stomach but with each smile I could honestly care less if he ever rolls over.
Each day my children find a way to steal my heart. I want to cry when they are upset and I want to rejoice when they are happy and excited. I live my life right along side my children and I love every minute of it. I love those terrible want to run away days, because it makes those wonderful moments and days so much better. I have the great opportunity to know how far we have come. What's also amazing is that we haven't made the journey alone. We have some astounding friends and family who encouraged and helped along the way and I know they will continue to do so....because that's just the superb type of people they are.
If it wasn't for the incredible group of women I meet through our church's MOMS group I'd be a shut-in with a lot less sanity. These women helped me get out of that stinkin' cry room and live among the land of the living in church....they helped me see that it's okay to want more out of life, and that most importantly I have to take care of myself in order to care for my children.
If I didn't have my fabulous mother who graciously gives me at least a one week break during the summer I'd probably be hiding under the bed. She manages to make time around her busy life to take her grandkids and show them a wonderful time. She visits at least once a month and whisks me off to buy clothes when needed or just to treat me to a dinner out. She does all this knowing that when she arrives back home after a visit she will be exhausted from the trip and heading right back out the door for work the next morning.
My in-laws have also been a saving grace. They offer to keep the girls so my husband and I can venture out for dinner or to get a home project completed. They (I should say my mother-in-law since she does most of the work) find special activities to do with the girls and are willing to be Sean and I's sounding board when needed.
You see this whole parenting thing is a journey, one that never ends. Once you master one aspect another is already knocking at the door needing your attention. It's the greatest journey you will ever have the pleasure of experiencing.
Join me, ride this incredible roller coaster along side me. Enjoy every moment knowing that each day won't be a joy. Each day will have its own obstacles to overcome, but when you get over them you can smile because in that moment you know you are succeeding...your making it.
Join me in the dirt please...cause living motherhood in the trenches isn't so bad. It's rather fun...even when the children pull down sets of curtains right off the wall leaving gaping holes, or they think that decorating the kitchen with flour makes it pretty, or that running off and hiding is funny while they watch you in a panic searching for them.
It's dirty and I'm not afraid to say so. This doesn't mean I don't appreciate and remember all the wonderful help I've had along the way or that I don't like being a mother...it just means that maybe another mother will read and take away that it's okay to admit it's difficult and will gain some courage and self-respect. Maybe she will see that sometimes what we consider failing carries the greatest reward. Maybe, when she reads she won't feel alone, and she'll know that there are many others out there struggling right along side her, doing our best some days to just keep our head above the water.
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