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Today is my birthday and while my husband seems to be taking great joy in pointing out I'm no longer "young" I have the feeling I haven't been "young" for a very long time.

Looking back at the years that have passed I'm struck by the number of birthdays that were in so many ways just another day. My mother always did a great job of celebrating the day I was born but to me the hype of the day sometimes didn't transcend.

As kids we tend to build up such days, look at them as they are to be the greatest day, almost as big as Christmas. Often times such hype can leave us wanting.

As an adult I know that while my birthday is special it is in actuality just another day. Life beyond my own front door continues to pass with little notice of it's meaning to me, which is just as it should be.

Another thing I have noticed about my birthday is that for some reason I'm saddened by the day. I remember at 13 spending the day in my room, mostly crying. For what reason, I do not know.

My 15th birthday was spent wishing my grandmother and mom were home rather than at the hospital. The next day my grandmother died.

Now, since that birthday I admit celebrating became rather difficult. My birthday simply became a reminder that my grandmother was no longer around and given that at the time I was my momaw's girl it was and still is sad to think of yet another year she has missed out on.

As the years have passed I know that there will be moments with each birthday that the sadness of her departure will creep in, I know that I have many things to be proud of and am grateful to have made it through another year.

As a child we rush to celebrate, shout from the roof tops that it's our day and as we age the shouting gets quieter and quieter until it seems to become a whisper. Eventually it becomes less of our shouting and more of those around us shouting for us, and sometimes in spite of us.

While there will always be those that do not acknowledge our birthday's and those who seem to never forget, I believe the true celebration comes from the ability to look within ourselves and mark how far we have come. A declaration of "I've made it" and the understanding that with another year passing another one waits to be explored. We may not be guaranteed tomorrow but that doesn't mean we can't anticipate the adventure that awaits.

So with that spirit in mind, here is to the coming year and the many doors that will be opened and to those that will never open. I'm sure regardless of what happens it will definitely be an adventure...one I plan to enjoy even if it pains me along the way.

Also, here is to celebrating your special day...whatever day it may be. Embrace it, enjoy it, and know that it doesn't matter who celebrates with you as long as you are doing a little celebrating yourself.

where's an elf when you need one?

Christmas is a mere two weeks away. With this in mind my husband and I decided to pull down "Santa's gifts" and put them together. Since we ordered them online we had both bikes to put together.

Erin's went together pretty smoothly...meaning that after 45 min. we had attached everything minus all the stinking Barbie accessories. How many accessories does a kids bike need anyway??

Then, on to Ireland's. Pause for a frustrating scream. Over 1.5 hours later we still can't get the front wheel to attach. Suddenly, Sean looks strangely at the front of the wheel base and says..."I think it's bent" .

I look and of course, the whole frame is bent a good 2 to 3 inches making it impossible to not only get the bike together but for a child to ride if you did manage to attach the wheel. So here I am with a Tinkerbell bike that is impossible to ride and knowing I have to find one within two weeks. Maybe I could give her a bag of saw dust and tell her it's pixie dust??

So of course being 5 months pregnant I immediately went into tears. Between sobs I proclaim this is the only thing she asked for from Santa and this is all Santa is bringing (you know economy stinks thus Santa is having to cut back because who knows if he will have a job or if his company will suddenly cut pay) and how in the world are we going to ship this one back and have another shipped out in time for Christmas.

Another 30 minutes of full on tears and total dread the husband attempts to calm me down and instructs me to contact the manufacturer as well as ToysRus and see what our options are going to be.

Yet another 2 hours pass and I'm on the phone only to find out that if I want this bike I have to track it down in a store and drive to exchange it. Which usually wouldn't be such a bad thing...except I live in the middle of no where and the nearest ToysRus is 2 hours away.

So now tomorrow, I get to throw myself, my son, and a half together bike in the car to drive the 2 hours in hope that they still have one in stock. You know, since they won't "hold" one for me even though I'm driving for what will seem like forever just to exchange the one I do possess.

Also, it takes 24 hours to have them put together the bike...unless I am willing to pay $10 extra and take the floor model. So here is hoping the floor model is in good condition because I'll be damned if I have to bring another one home and attempt to put that crap together.

Granted, I know I'm being a complete baby about the thing and making a mountain out of a mole hill as they say. It's just I'm pregnant and emotionally unstable from all these hormones... so everything is dramatic. Where's the Prozac when you need it??? Guess I'll just have to pretend these wonderful kicks to my already weak bladder are the cure.

Here's a toast to all of Santa's "helpers"...hope your tinkering goes better than ours.

dr. dr. you have to help me

I'm still sick. Still fighting this wonderful sinus nonsense that has plagued me for a month. So all I seem to get done each day is getting to girls off to school, feeding and caring for Michael, and fitting in as many naps as I possibly can because I never seem to sleep at night.

I'm rather sick of being sick. So I'm hoping that tomorrow when I visit my OBGYN for my 5 month check up (yes that's right...already 5 months have gone by) I'm hoping that she can do something to help me get well besides asking me to visit my primary dr. which doesn't seem to be working out so well.

Besides just wanting to feel better I'm also having awful dreams about my son being born with extra arms, legs, and mental issues because of the meds the dr. gave me over this never ending sickness.

We also still have no name for our son. I realize I still have plenty of time but it is driving me crazy that I have no clue and haven't really liked the few options we have come up with . I'm in desperate need of some help in this department so again...any ideas???