visits from the world of why

Ireland, "Why can't we go to the park?"

Mom, "Because Michael is sleeping right now."

Ireland, "But God wants you to take me to the park."

give a gift that says, "I bought this especially for you"

Whether we like it or not with the holidays comes gift giving. Many are angered that Christmas has become so much about giving a gift rather than the birth of Jesus. I say...give. I look at it as we give gifts to each other because we were given a gift.

I've even had to give way to explaining a relationship with Santa and Jesus to my very inquisitive 4 year olds.

Explanations usually go something like this... Santa gives girls and boys gifts on Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus....so with Jesus' birthday comes a party. Given this explanation we started last year having a birthday cake to help the celebration.

I like having a party on Christmas, I like the exchanging of gifts. In our home we have managed to keep Christ in Christmas if you will. I like the feeling one gets around this time of year, one often filled with hope and promise for the future. That isn't lost when you give a gift.

However, with this wonderful tradition of exchanging gifts comes the dreaded shopping. I for one enjoy attempting to find a gift that I believe will be liked by its recipient. I don't believe that last minute shopping or mindless shopping carries the spirit of the holiday. I want the gifts I give to mean something, to be special to that person.

It doesn't need to be expensive to carry meaning, but it does need to be tailored to the person intended. For example, my husband speaks of a year while in Junior High with great fondness because of the basketball team he was on. He even has games on video and seems to gain an extra bounce in his step when speaking of this wonderful time in his life. So, one year I managed to get his jersey from that season, from that championship year that meant so much to my husband. It cost all of $12 I believe, but the memory it carried cost much more than I spent. I had given my husband a gift that I felt was one of the greatest I could give. It was a perfect gift for him because it was just for him.

I usually am much more about giving than receiving gifts. I like the hunt of finding something special for those I shop for, but after almost 6 years of marriage I've realized that not everyone has the same philosophy that I have when giving a gift. Often gifts are given that have no real relevance to the recipient or no real use.

Example, I'll use my husband again. One year when my husband was a child he awoke to a gift that was more of a slap in the face than a gift. You see, he was (and still is) a Chicago Bulls fan but the wonderful basketball he was given was of the opponent....the Lakers. My husband was heartbroken because his likes/dislikes/feelings weren't portrayed in the gift.

I am sure all of us have our stories of terrible gift giving. We have all encountered or might even be the person who regifts. We see the need to give a gift more about just having something to pass along rather than being a special something from one to another. It becomes, "I have a gift, you need a gift so here" which doesn't do much to make the person receiving feel loved.

A memorable gift is one that you give with your heart, one that was picked especially for the intended. So this year, attempt to refrain from buying in bulk or just grabbing something...anything that would fill the need. Instead, shop with your heart, give something special...even if it is only a letter that lets them know how much you care and love them. After all love is the best gift you can give.

You know you are giving a good gift when you are more excited to see the recipient open the gift than whether you received one yourself.

What makes a gift memorable to you? Click here for the gift of an amazing experience, and click here to read about what others have to say about making a gift a memorable one.

visits from the world of why

Erin: "But why would Jesus want Santa to give kids gifts, he didn't live in the North Pole?"

visits from the world of why

Ireland, "Why does Michael have a big pee pee?"

Mom, "Because he is a boy."

Ireland, "Does that mean daddy has a giant pee pee?"

dealing with the lurking evil monster

Life right now is more like a tornado. I awake most days not knowing which end is up or the best way to tackle the day. I'm working desperately to keep my lovely girls from tearing my in-laws home apart and for all my work I still feel we would be better living in a box. I know that during our stay I will infuriate my mother-in-law with my less than stellar cleaning ability with the little ones running around, I know the kids will inevitably break something, and several choice words will be spread that in essence we are destroying their home.

It saddens me, I don't want this to happen...I'm trying my best to keep it from happening but with all the wishing and praying I know there is nothing I can do to stop it. It will happen, it's only a matter of time because even the most understanding people reach their limits.

I had hoped that once we were settled into the beach house our lives would calm down, we would be able to regain a sense of normalcy...but it would seem normalcy is taking a hyadis. Perhaps it is the fact that we know this isn't out home, perhaps it is the fact that we don't know what/where/when things are going to happen. We live life in limbo unsure of what the future holds.

I think all of this change is giving way to my enemy, depression. I am finding it more and more difficult to get out of the house. I want to...I know I need to, but it keeps getting harder and harder to push myself through that door. I would rather crawl into bed and just hide under the covers. I feel as if I'm trying to alienate myself from my very own life, and I don't want that.

The hope is that as long as I continue to pick myself up by my bootstraps I will keep it from gaining too hard of a hold and will ultimately regain a sense of happiness rather than appending doom.

sleeping in someone else's bed

Tonight is my first night without my home. Yes, techniquely it's still our home but it isn't. With almost all of our belongings in boxes, the other scattered throughout needing packed or moved to our current residence. Our home has become a reminder that our lives are changing big time and there isn't a single thing we can do about it.

I don't know if there is anything I want to do about it but after 4 trips between homes lugging those items which are needed regardless of where I find myself...I'm not happy that I still must pack a moving truck Thursday then unload it all again Friday evening. I'm already at my limit for lugging and schlepping.

As wonderful as this adventure will be (must stay positive or the evil leprechaun under the bed will attack) it saddens me to think of the moment the girls realize that they can't go back home, when they realize that their home is no more. I can just see the tears and hear the screams and it breaks my heart.

God, grant me just a few more days of peace before this reality sets in for my sweet babies. They deserve that.

So, now I'm just hoping that I can get some sleep which has been much missed lately.

life as a third wheel

It seems that life works well in pairs. Your feet, thus shoes, your pants, hands, thus gloves, even tires come in two pairs. People often come in pairs as well...at least we seem to strive to come in pairs. If your a wife you have a counter spouse, if your a mom you have a counter parent...at least you try to.

When I think back, even in school things happened in pairs. Friendships worked in pairs. There might be a larger group that would "hang out" but within the group were several pairs. With the pairing of our world (at least the small part I've lived) comes the complex of the third wheel.

This complex is something I'm rather familiar with and have spent a good portion of my life as the third wheel. I feel the desire to however point out that I have found my "pairing" and am most pleased with my spouse. HOWEVER, long before I was a wife I spent my time as a third wheel.

The few friends I had, always had their preferred pairing. I usually was the "other" friend. Not the best and not the worse but somewhere in the middle. I never had a "best" friend.

This being said my view may be slightly skewed.

Our neighbor has a 3 year old daughter who seems to enjoy spending most of her days at our home. Usually I don't mind since it helps entertain the girls and they are rather found of her. They have spent many an hour playing on the swing set or chasing each other around.

Lately, I've noticed a change in pecking order. It seems Ireland and her friend have paired up leaving my sweet Erin the third wheel. Ireland and her friend which we will call missy J are beginning to scheme to keep Erin from playing with them. Off they run to hide or lock Erin out of her own room so that Erin is excluded.

Erin of course will come crying to me wanting to know why they don't want to play with her, why they are running from her. "I just want to play" she sobs.

What do you I say? How do I answer? I don't know why kids do this. I don't know why someone must always be left out. So the only answer I felt comfortable giving was, "I'm sorry, want to come play with mommy?" The answer was a definitive no, she would rather be ignored by missy J and her sister than have to hang with momma.

It breaks my heart because I don't want that for my sweet girl. I want her to feel as if she belongs, that she has a place. I'm sure I'm making more of this than needed and hopefully next year with school she will quickly find her spot but until that happens my heart breaks for her because I know how it feels....and it just isn't fun!

sometimes another mother is your saving grace

I have lived in NC for almost 6 years. This coming January will mark husband and I's 6th anniversary and we've lived our entire married life in NC. When we first settled I wasn't that involved in our Parish but I was happy.

Upon having the girls my life changed dramatically. I was no longer working outside of my home so there were no co-workers to discuss the day with, only my two infants. Sean was busy working and I was busy getting a handle of life with twins.

Slowly, I began to feel depleted as if I only existed as a mother. I loved it but it was more difficult than I had expected. Granted I hadn't expected or planned on twins.

The view of my world changed upon the wonderful opportunity my friend Mary offered. She wanted to start a MOMS (Ministry of Mother's Sharing) group and wanted my help. I was excited, talk about being a mom...that I could do, that topic I knew about.

The group was a little overwhelming at first, so many new people... but quickly these women became friends. We offered experiences, insights, and encouragement when needed. Each of these ladies hold a special place in my heart. They helped me realize that NC could and would be my home.

Because of this group I have gained several amazing friends, friends who celebrated with me when I finally graduated college...they threw me a surprise celebration party. These ladies even threw me a baby shower when I was pregnant with Michael. They have done so much for me, I hope they know how much it has meant to me. So to my friends, I thank you and will carry you in my heart to WV and where ever I find myself. If you ever find yourself in need of a friend, know that I am here...regardless of where here may be.

Nancy - From the moment I met you, I felt connected. I felt our souls understood each other. You have helped me so much by just being yourself and offering amazing support. I kept each card you sent and when I'm having a bad day I pull them out and read them. I love the writer, the mother, and the woman that you are.

Lynn - You love from your inner most being and I admire that about you. You bubble over with love. Also, you cook a mean cake....and I just love helping eat them!!

Rosemary - I admire your drive to help and love that you aren't afraid to have fun. I just wish I could have taken your "women of the bible" class. You inspire me in more ways than I ever could explain.

Laura - I must thank you for a positive change within my home (wink wink) and for all the support and help with the kids. You have helped me realize that we are never alone but rather we simply choose to be left alone for periods of time...which can be a gift in its self.

Jean - You helped me understand that I am more than my obsessive compulsive behaviors and that as crazy as it can be it's important to have fun along the way.

Laurie - I feel your pain, and your joy. Having wild children can well....drive you wild. They can be the greatest gift and at times the greatest pain but the love never ends.

Sarah - You are one of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I took more than you know from your willingness to share and am a better person because of it.

Marjorie - Lady, you have it together. You are so sweet and kind and one of the best dressed women I know. I admire your ability to "keep it together" and yet be so involved in those areas you grace with your presence.

Jennifer- You amaze me with your calmness and ability to deal with whatever is thrown your way. You are confident and unafraid to be yourself which is truly inspiring. Thank you for understanding my crazy, insane qualities and laughing rather than being freaked out by them. Thank you for the trips to the beach, for lunches, and for times spend just talking. Thank you for your willingness to help and for making selling my home so much easier. I don't think I could have done it without you.

Carrie - Thank you for becoming so close to my children, they love you and count you as a member of their family. Thank you for your friendship, help, and support. It has meant the world to me. You treated my children and I as family, including us in so many of your family activities. You pushed me to be a stronger person, to which I am very grateful. I only wish as things prepare to change that we were as close as we used to be.

Mary - Thank you for your friendship, understanding, concern, help, and so many other things. You have pushed me to better myself, broaden my mind, and accept many of my faults. I will miss our afternoons together so much when I leave. During those times I was more than a mother and yet prouder to be a mother. You were the first person here to take a chance with me and see I had something to offer. Our sharing of stories allowed me to be a better mother, better christian, and a more confident person. Thank you for sharing your writing ability, your stories, your kindness with me. I will forever be grateful.

in the midst of why

IT finally happened. IT being that horribly embarrassing moment when your child asks a very inappropriate question right in front of the person. The question....."Why is she so big mommy".

I could see it happening, as if in slow motion. I saw Erin looking.....almost walking into this lady....and just as the lady passed us asking that dreaded question.

It isn't that it is a difficult question to answer. I simply explained that there are all sizes and shapes of people. I continued with explanations as to why that isn't the nicest thing to ask. I understand her inquisitive nature and know that she meant no harm in her question but it's a slippery slope. Depending upon how I answer these questions will shape how she will not only view others but ultimately view herself.

In a perfect world we would all be healthy and look as we wished but a perfect world this is not. We all have our flaws, our difficulties, those things we wish and even try to hide from others. Even the overly skinny popular kids have their issues.

I was overly skinny as a teen yet anything but popular. The "skinny" was full of it's own dilemmas. Fellow students and some teachers began to spread rumors that I was anorexic or maybe even bulimic. At first I found them amusing, I could out eat the best. But.....at this wonderful stage of my body changing and people circulating comments I began to question myself. I thought I was healthy, I played basketball, ran track, and enjoyed fruits and veggies. I wasn't the healthiest person but I was in shape.

It took a teacher stating that I was, "too heavy" to really put me over the edge.

Now, as an adult I battle weight. Carrying twins the first pregnancy completely broke me down. My stomach is now a battleground that shows the war waged by my children to enter this world. As hideous as it is I am grateful because it allowed my children a safe haven while waiting to grace this world with their presence.

My breasts are even larger and saggier from breastfeeding. I have the beginnings of a wonderful double chin and countless stretchmarks. I have become a battleground. Long gone are the days of a size 0 and somehow I'm happier. I know I could loose weight, look better, be more attractive to the masses but honestly I don't really care about it anymore.

I've finally accepted that this is my body and while I control some of what it does or how it looks I can't (without surgical help) remove the layers of loose skin that I now tuck into my pants, I can't exercise away my stretchmarks, I can't remove the scars of childbirth. This is my body for better or worse.

Knowing how I have struggled with self image I know my children will do the same. I want them to know they are loved regardless of their size or shape. I want them to look at someone and refrain from judging them based upon their weight. I want them to know there is always more than the cover to a book, that is it the chapters within that matter....what makes each person wonderful.

So, to the lady that was possibly offended by my daughter's inquisitive nature I apologize, and know I'm doing my best...even if sometimes it doesn't look that way.

so....now what?

With inspections behind us (including the home inspection which turned out great) and nothing but a closing in our sights we are beginning to realize moving is inevitable. We are really doing this. Within two weeks most of our belongings will be in storage in WV awaiting our arrival this spring. We will be beach bums the remainder of the winter which I'm hoping will include lots of walks on the beach and many bike rides around the island.

The girls are beginning to gain a small amount of understanding of what is happening but I wonder how all the uncertainty that lay ahead will be handled. I'm hoping since they are familiar with the beach house it will help the process but I'm still wondering how many wonderful behaviors will come crawling out of the wood works because home is no more.

Or maybe.....I'm wondering how I will deal with home being no more.

So now packing begins....but then what? Only time will tell I suppose. Until then I'll be hiding under the bed waiting for the other shoe to drop because this is all going way too smoothly.