Too Much Too Fast

The internet, computers, cell phones all help us stay connected and informed. However, I'm noticing a trend that scares me and causes concern for my kids as well as my nieces and nephews.

In the past several days, weeks, and months I've noticed a lot of inappropriate behavior through twitter and facebook. These preteens and teens are outright slanderous. The fowl language and hatred spewed made me glad I closely watch my kids internet time.

When I was in school we weren't as connected as everyone now seems to be. Instant messaging was just becoming popular but I don't remember hearing of people harassing each other the way kids do today.

These kids seem to have unlimited and unsupervised access to the internet. The amount of preteen and teenage cursing and slander is staggering. I fully understand the teenage need to express themselves and have a voice yet there seems to be something that becomes more and more lacking as the generations continue...

Respect. I grew up at a time that if I sassed my mother or grandmother I knew I was getting a smack to the mouth. I had very defined boundaries. If you were going to bad mouth your parents, school, or friends you did so in the comfort of those you trusted with such information, not plastered all over a website.

I suppose I'm showing my age here to some degree yet I can't help but think we are doing our kids a disservice if we aren't supervising some of this internet access. I also think kids get cellphones WAY to early.

It has been said that as our children grow they become less and less ours and thus we loose more and more ability to shape, steer, and impact their choices. Allow me to call BS if you will...to some degree.

Erin & Ireland love getting online and finding games to play. They also seem to have a fondness for youtube. Sean and I have created their own access so they can only access certain sites. Granted that only works if we remember to sign out. On such an occasion they went online and began searching youtube.

Let's say I had a very quick education on youtube. It was certainly not something my kids needed to be searching. Right along with kid aproprate silly videos are ones involving sexual content and vulgar, fowl language.

My girls are only 8 and while they have grown up in a generation that is computer literate at 2 the thought of what they can see with unlimited access to the world wide web has me crawling the wall.

I'm a tough parent in some ways. My kids won't have cell phones until I see a clear need (which will be in high school) and even then I wouldn't allow internet access of the phone. I won't allow my kids to have a tv in their bedroom. They won't have a computer of any kind in their rooms until they can prove they are responsible. As with all of these things responsibility is key.

However, I'm not blinded by my kids. They will mess up, make a bad choice, get caught up in a moment. They will find themselves in trouble probably in using all of those things I am so afraid to give them. In those moments are lessons. Those are the moments that can be dealt with more easily if we do the work while they are young. Keep the doors of communication open and allow our kids to see how much we do love them.

The harder part in this... There will be moments that we parents are wrong, utterly and completely wrong. We will be the one needing to open our ears and hearts and hear our children. Step beyond what we think we know and allow for some understanding both ways.

If we don't do the work while they are young, it makes the process harder as they age. We easily become the constant enemy and sometimes making excuses for our kids. We can find ourselves saying, "but it was just an accident they didn't mean to do it" or "they are only acting this way because of something I did so I can't tighten the boundaries".

If we find ourselves not urging and teaching our kids to make good choices and help them understand the bad ones when they happen we teach them a false sense of entitlement and a lack of respect.

I'm learning that as my kids age I worry more and more. I am transitioning into the area of parenting where the actual parenting gets more and more important. Today boys, tomorrow make up and clothing, then the internet, sex and heartbreak. It's all in there and more, however it is up to us parents to listen and be prepared to talk. No topic off the table and an environment that nurtures these growing children into responsible critical thinking teens and eventually adults.

I sure hope these 4 loud and crazy kiddos and I survive. I see lots of curves ahead.

how quickly they grow

It's finally happened. My girls have discovered boys. We have talks about boyfriends, kissing, holding hands, and who likes who. I knew it was coming but I honestly hoped I had a couple more years before it began.

Ireland now has a boyfriend and I have found all the sweet notes in which she has filled the spaces with her expression of love for this little boy. He has called the house and invited her to come to his basketball games and she came home with a nice box of chocolates on Valentine's Day, not to mention a sweet heart necklace she wears constantly.

She has definitely been bitten by the love bug and while I know it is the sweet innocent type of love that should be easy and worry free for parents. Well, most parents. I on the other hand am flooded with desire to have many age appropriate conversations about behavior since love has entered the air.

I realize my over reacting is from my childhood experiences and I want to save her from any possible harm. I had the sweetest childhood boyfriend for most of my elementary school experience. I was lucky and still count his mother and himself some of the sweetest people I know. But while he was sweet there were others during that time that were not.

I am torn between wanting to keep my little girls as innocent and free as possible and wanting them to have enough knowledge to protect themselves if needed. I don't want them feeling as I did in that they couldn't speak up or fight back. I want with all that I am to protect them from ever feeling that kind of pain.

I realize I am projecting and while I want to save them from all evils I will be unable to do so every time. I must continue to keep the lines of communication open and constantly reassure that regardless of what happens good or bad I will always be there for my girls, for my children. I want them to know my love for them is unconditional and I want them to feel safe to talk freely.

If I can't keep them talking what chance do I have to guide them along the way? If they don't trust me with their successes and fears how will they trust they can come to me with their disappointments?

Life is full of unpleasant occurrences. It is full of ups and downs and they will undoubtably get hurt along the way just as they will have those moments of pure happiness and jubilation. I can't protect them from the world because by trying to do so I rob them of the wonderment of the world.

I know that the toughest years are still ahead of us. I know without a doubt there will be tears shed both in joy and in sorrow by us all. I have a heavy heart when I think of these years ahead. It is during those years my children will begin to make their own decisions. They will realize that at the end of the day they choose the path they walk.

I can guide and offer advice, but I will be unable to make the decisions for them. I will have to trust that I taught them well and empowered them to trust in themselves. I want them to always remain open to the wonders of the world, to love wholeheartedly, have the strength to tackle any challenge and understand that no matter the situation I will always love them and do what I can to comfort and help.

Today is innocent. One daughter with a boyfriend and another who at this point wants to remain alone for all her life. I honestly don't know which is scarier to me, but I'm grateful that my girls are only 8 and there are many more years ahead of them to truly come to understand themselves and what they want out of life.

Here's hoping they will be unafraid to follow their heart and are spared many of life's scary moments. After all, they will only be mine for a short while, but they must be able to live with themselves every day, hopefully knowing that their parents love them entirely.