filling in the missing branch

My girls tend to ask a lot of questions...a lot! They aren't all those annoying silly questions either. Some are very important questions about their family. They want to know why someone wanted to get married, why someone moves, even why one gets to see and talk to their godparents more than the other.

Occasionally the questions get rather difficult. "You know that man with the cows and the dog and cat? Why don't we see him? Why doesn't he call or visit us?

And while I'm never sure how to answer these questions because you can't tell a child that said person just doesn't make any effort to see them. One, they wouldn't understand and two, it could upset and hurt their feelings if they somehow did understand.

So I do my best to sidestep the answers and divert their attention to something else. However, I've come to realize how this can be damaging in it's own way.

Like my children I used to ask my dad lots of questions about his family. Like me, my dad never answered the questions. I asked about his dad and he would almost totally ignore my questions or reply with, "why are you asking me this?" to which he would then become busy and unable to talk.

When he would talk about family visiting he would talk to me like I had a clue about what was going on. Honestly, I don't know who anyone is in his family besides his mother, and his siblings...and even his brother I don't really know. I think I could count on my fingers the number of times I've seen him.

So I've made a decision. I may not truly know my father or his extended family, but that doesn't mean my children should grow up knowing nothing about them. The tricky part comes when they ask to see thier grandfather, which at this point wouldn't happen but they deserve to know who their family is and where they come from.

Given this new direction I opened an account with ancestry.com last night. Within minutes I had my mother's side of the family traced beyond my great-great grandparents. Granted it helped that I knew my great grandparents names, birthdays, and death dates...along with their children and their dates.

My dad's side, well that is proving to be a little difficult. The only information I had to go on was my grandfather's obituary which provided no birth date, no information on his wife, and only a state for his birth place.

I was able to find information about his parents but that caused more trouble. I was importing information that I wasn't very sure was correct. I was flying blind.

So I reached out to my aunt who is willing to help me fill in some gaps which might allow me to at least be able to tell my children the names of my dad's family. I may not have stories about them to share as I do for my mom's family but at least I can give them something. My search continues, and hopefully it will lead to some small revelations along the way. If nothing else it's an adventure.

my friend, shall we play doctor

It's midnight and you are awoken by a sick 7 month old. You find that your baby has a 102 fever and has green drainage coming from both eyes. Your cell phone has the pediatricians cell phone number. Do you use it?? What if the doctor was also a friend?

I hear stories all the time about parents calling on the doctor the minute anything goes wrong with their child and while this is understandable with first time parents it must become a difficult situation for the doctor, especially if that doctor is also a family friend.

We moved back to WV because it was an area we knew. Our children would be taught by teachers we knew and trusted, and thus came the possibility of having friends also be your doctor...your children's doctor.

Since living here I have had two different doctors, both of which I consider a friend, give me their personal cell phone number to use in case something came up.

I have also had phone calls from others requesting this information so that they could call upon these doctors late in the evening.

However, I have a strict policy. If it's an emergency, I go to the emergency room. If the ER is not necessary, I call the doctors office and go through the proper channels to have my children or myself seen and treated. And more importantly, I never give out a private number unless advised that it's okay to do so.

Trust me, there has been more than one time in which I wanted to use those numbers because it would have made things easier. But I reminded myself that these people are more than doctors, they are wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, and friends. If every patient that they had called each time they had a question or concern I don't think they would get much family time.

Now I know that each family is different and each doctor is different. There are doctors that welcome this intrusion, expect it. I guess it's possible they all do. My kids doctor even said, "that's part of why I'm a doctor, I know it will happen".

For me, I just believe there is a fine line that can easily be crossed when your friend is also your doctor...and I would rather do what I can to respect each relationship and attempt to keep from crossing a line in which my friend is bothered by my phone calls or visits.

What do you think? Is calling your friend/doctor any different than calling a fellow mom for advice? Has there ever been a situation in which your doctor or your kids doctor called for parenting advice?