Four years ago today I gave birth to twins. I can remember the day as if it happened just yesterday (or at least a couple weeks ago). I remember the pain of an epidural, the pain of an incision, the pain of attempting to breastfeed for the first time to two babies, and I remember the sense of relief that they both were finally here and healthy. I remember the all consuming love I instantly felt for them.
Having twins has been a journey. With each passing day, week, and year I realize that as a mother I make lots of mistakes and ultimately Erin and Ireland pay the price. They were the first, the ones in which if I fumbled so did they. Through the tears (theirs and mine) I've learned that I can always be a better parent. It's a choice I make each day and will continue to make for many years to come. This journey has been heartbreaking, spellbinding, and joyous.
I've watched two girls grow from these little 5 pound babies to these amazing little girls who love to explore and experience all life has to offer. Erin is my little mommy. She loves to clean, mother her sister and brother, and loves anything princess. Ireland is my little monkey. She climbs on everything and she never seems to stop singing. She is my little wild child.
Through all the tears, yelling, and sense of utter defeat on my part they remain these adventurous happy children…and I've never been prouder or happier. The girls are all child. Their favorite thing is to play and get into things they know they aren't suppose to…and honestly I wouldn't have it any other way ( ok, less of a mess would be nice).
Remembering where I was 4 years ago brings tears to my eyes because it was the most amazing thing. I gave birth to the most beautiful little creature that instantly stole my heart and then was able to experience it all again just 2 minutes later. It truly was parenting by fire. I was immediately dropped in the deep end and quickly had to gain my footing. It wasn't always easy but I made it. I suppose that celebrating their birthday is also a celebration for myself because it is a testament to the fact that I have survived, succeeded another year, and fought through the dark tunnel of parenting while managing to see the light coming in through the other side.
I don't want this to sound like parenting is just a black hole but I'm not about to say it's easy or that it's always happy because it's not. Parenting is the most difficult thing I have faced…or will face. With the many joyous happy moments there are almost as many tears, pains, and struggles. You find yourself guiding, teaching, molding your children and some days it seems all is lost. BUT…it is in those moments that your child somehow rescues you simply by smiling, laughing, or saying they love you. You go from this dark moment to a sea of light and hope in just a second and that is what keeps you going…that is what feeds your parenting soul.
I know that the girls and I have a long road ahead of us, full of fights, yelling, crying, and doors slamming. We still have those dreaded preteen and teenage years left. There are still so many firsts to experience and so many mistakes to make. However, today….we are going to sing, dance, smile, and act silly because we have made it….we have survived each other and another year. So I'm putting on my best princess dress and celebrating all that my girls are and all that they will be.
Happy birthday girls….mommy loves you!!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
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