reflections after mass

Have you ever taken the time to really look at someone?

I'm not much of a people watcher or a people person for that matter. I usually manage to say something silly that makes very little sense to most people. I suppose my agoraphobia is part to blame for it but I'm just not a social butterfly.

I am however someone who looks at people. I see a mother out with her small children and I try to read her face...is she having a good day? Is she about to pull her hair out? I see a couple pull up beside me in their car....I wonder what they are going to be doing together. Are they taking in a movie? Maybe just to the grocery store...or maybe the doctor's office.

I make a great attempt to look beyond the clothing, the make-up, the face we all put forward and attempt to catch a glimpse of who the person really is....connect on a more human level.

I'd never given this practice much thought until this past Sunday during Mass in which Fr. spoke of the holy family and putting them upon a pedestal and how when we do that, they become untouchable, with unattainable attributes.

For us Catholics it seems that people with unattainable attributes surround us, constantly reminding us of what we should be striving for... and yet never seem to get there. The list is never ending....saints upon saints, the holy family, Jesus, God, the Pope, and many priests. We put our religious leaders on a pedestal and expect things out of them we wouldn't expect out of ourselves.

"Yes, but he is our religious leader," one might say. In truth, isn't he just like you and I? His desires, hopes, dreams, frustrations, anxieties don't change simply because he is a priest? I venture to say that he is a man, just like your husband, brother, father, son.

I have met my fair share of priests....ones that seem untouchable for several reasons. The priest who is stern...the one who is constantly happy, the one in constant reflection, the quiet one. All, simply....another face. Do you truly believe that the one who isn't overly friendly doesn't need a friend? Do you truly believe someone is happy every moment? Do you truly believe that they are so different than you?

Yes, it can be rather difficult to see our religious leaders as mere mortals...just regular people like you and I....but.....don't we owe them that? With placing such unattainable qualities on them aren't we cheating ourselves out of a rewarding experience while cheating them out of a most common human right, to be themselves?

I am lucky that within my life I have several wonderful people who challenge and guide me spiritually. They all have their own mountains to climb and valleys to cross. I often find myself looking at them....truly looking, searching for that most common quality that says, "I'm just like you." More often than not I am graced to see it and when I do I find I love the person even more for it.

I love them more because it's easy to put on our face and hide but it takes a much stronger person to remove the face and say, " I struggle, I've fallen, but I trust you to allow me to be myself."

I'm sure I over analyze just about everything that enters into my mind. However, every once in a while it allows me to grow as a person and see something in a new light.

Example, I've been thinking a lot about the homily at Christmas Mass. Fr. Robert spoke of being tired of the question, "What did you get" and that it should be more about, "What did you give".

It shouldn't be about some gift we bought or some gift we gave but rather what are we giving of ourselves. When I think of giving in this manner I believe it must come from your inner most being....giving not only with your heart but with your soul. It's about giving something that can't be bought or wrapped.

The sad part about it all is that often times it doesn't take a whole lot to give in this manner and still we don't do it.

It starts with simple things, giving someone a hug or a smile, letting someone know how much you love them, appreciate them, value their friendship. It starts with helping a perfect stranger for no reason other than they needed help.

So on this last day in 2007 (being one who detests resolutions and thinks they are often silly) I believe I owe it not only to myself but to those around me, to stop holding people to unattainable qualities and make more of an effort to be a better all around person. Be someone who is less concerned with what is going on in my own life and more open and willing to reach out (even if it does mean working on being a better people person and a better social butterfly if you will).

Don't worry, I still won't be attending parties or blogging about rainbows and butterflies...I'm still the same sarcastic girl. I'm just going to live with a little more light for others because at it turns out....it really isn't all about my life.

peace, joy and UNC basketball

Merry Christmas! Yes, I know it's a little late for most but those Catholics out there know that Christmas is still going strong.

Anyway...

Things in my house have been rather busy and slightly crazy. Oh, so much to tell I barely know where to start.

Christmas at our house was wonderful...granted how can it not be when you have little kids who have the amazement of seeing such joy in things you never imagined. Our Christmas thus far has been full with both toys and holiday spirit.

The girls are busy playing with dolls, horses, and books of one kind or another. Michael is rather fascinated by the cute little toys he now has at his disposal. Momma and Poppa are content with children so joyous...and a little Carolina action thrown in for good measure.

Last night my husband and I had the opportunity to take in a UNC basketball game, our first, and our favorite team so we were over joyed to say the least. It made for a very long night and an even longer day for husband as he had to be at work early this morning. However, so worth it. WE LOVE NCAA BASKETBALL!!!!!

It has been a wonderful time thus far and I'm feeling rather calm, peaceful which is something I rarely experience. I like it and believe that I want more of it in my life. It seems this holiday season is quite agreeable with us and we are enjoying some much appreciated family time.

Who knew reconnecting with your kids and taking a chance to breathe could be so good for you.

May you all have a wonderful (rest of) Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

because a mom is a girl's saving grace

*Today's blog is dedicated to my mother*

Eleven years ago today my mother lost her mother. My grandmother passed away just one week before Christmas, leaving her family struggling to find a way to make it thought the holidays without her. Since she was the glue that had held our family together it was the loneliness Christmas any of us had experienced.

Reflecting back upon this time I realize that it must have been most difficult upon my mother. She had the youngest children and she was the only daughter. She would be the one that must pick up the slack now in the rope with the matriarch gone. She had been the one to care for her mother...for years.

The depth of the relationship between my grandmother and mother is one I can only imagine and base upon the closeness I share with my own daughters. However, even that wouldn't give it justice...my mother had spent 37 years with her mother.

My mother had watched her mother fight cancer long after the doctors said she had only 6 months to live. She had maneuvered her way through high school while watching her mother come so close to death.

My grandmother had survived...and so had my mother.

Many many years later my mother watched yet again as my grandmother fought for her life. This time the fight would be too difficult...this time she wouldn't survive. Yet, she did the one thing she was strong enough to do...the one thing she knew she needed to do for her daughter. She gave her daughter her dying words...her last words.

Quietly and clearly my grandmother said, "Andrea, I love you."

My grandmother never spoke again.

I must admit for many years I was extremely jealous of my mother over this fact. I was young, scared, and felt I had lost my best friend. I was angry. How dare my grandmother die the day after my birthday, how dare my mother keep me away from my grandmother as she was dying.

I'm glad to say I have peace now. I'm still rather heartbroken but I have a peace that I believe still eludes my mother. The older I have gotten, the more I understand my mother's heartache.

She had lost her mother, her guide, her heart. My mother was old enough to know what she was loosing, yet knew she must remain strong because she had children and now had her entire family to carry on her shoulders...she was now the matriarch.

I know when this time rolls around my mother feels a sadness so deep within that it overwhelms her. I know that my birthday has become a reminder of the loss of her mother. I know she aches for her mother.

So today, on this very sad day I want my mother to know that I love her as deeply as the heartache she feels. I want her to know that while her mother is gone she has done an incredible job at making sure her mother's legacy will live forever. I want her to know that I understand.

Mom, I love you!

to celebrate or not...that is the question...but then again how should you celebrate?

Today is my 26th birthday. Certainly not any special milestone but a birthday none the less.

Yet, it seems that as one gets older celebrating the birthday becomes less and less desirable. I have always disliked this tendency. I think birthdays are a great cause for celebration because I find it rather amazing that any of us were born.

Against many people's understanding I really try to celebrate my children's birthday. I try to make the day very special for them because I'm overjoyed that they were born. I find it a great blessing that they entered my life.

Our birthday is the one day in which we are allowed to celebrate ourselves and how far we have come. However, birthday's aren't so great when you seem to be the only one celebrating. Too often those around us don't celebrate...and sometimes don't even remember the reason for celebration.

So is it okay to expect others to celebrate you on your birthday? Or...is that simply being selfish and self absorbed? I don't think I have come to a resolution on this one. I can understand how the day gets lost between the many responsibilities we carry. I'm just not sure if it is stretching it to expect those closest to you to remember and celebrate with you.

I suppose the problem with that is you have an expectation and usually with those come disappointments.

Today I'm honestly not doing much celebrating...husband and I will venture out without children this evening for a meal and a little shopping but that will be it.

I'm looking forward to this quality time with him because it is something we rarely have anymore. It may not be a celebration really but it is time in which my husband will take the evening and do pretty much anything I want....I get to choose the restaurant....choose what we do and I suppose in it's own right that is a celebration.

Maybe the answer is that the celebrating we do as an adult must become one of small happenings because the older we get the more important the small things seem to become.

sick kids and sick tree leaves momma sleep deprived

I haven't been blogging....just in case you hadn't noticed. You see I'm in the midst of sick children. Wee one is suffering as his top front teeth struggle to come in at the very same time. Ireland suffering from a reaction to immunizations and now a cold. Erin....well she is just suffering from the wonderful problem of "I want what I want and I want it now".

As we prepare for Christmas I'm hoping that we can get all children (and parents) well so that we won't be needing to blow noses between celebrations. I'm also hoping that family can visit without fear of getting sick themselves.

Since there seems to be so much sick floating around me right now I am falling behind on my holiday preparations. I have manged to loose a box full of gifts (and am fearful that it ended up getting moved to WV. Also, still haven't gotten my Christmas cards out...hopefully they will go out Monday or if I'm real lucky maybe even tomorrow.

If that wasn't enough...our Christmas tree is dying. The poor tree is beginning to look a little brown and seems to have a desire to turn into Charlie Brown's tree to which Erin responds, "But I like Charlie Brownie".

So, I'm going to hope and pray for a nap (cause after a week of sickness I'm more like the living dead than anything else), health, and that our tree makes it at least until Christmas day.

too much fun

What could be more fun than taking two 4 year olds to the doctor so they can each receive 5 shots?

Spending the day taking care of a sick 4 year old who is having a bad reaction to those 5 shots.

I'm beginning to understand why some moms are hesitant to get those vaccines.

I'm not boycotting and you can't make me

In case you haven't heard there is a movie coming out called The Golden Compass. This movie is based upon a book by Philip Pullman who wrote a trilogy (which the movie comes from the first book) that rivals The Chronicles of Narnia.

My frustration comes when every week for 2+ months now I have found in my inbox an email outraged by the movie and warning every parent and anyone else who will listen to not see the movie or buy the books.

Why....why such an outcry over a book...or a movie? Well, it seems that the book carries a meaning about killing God. Since I have not read it I can not state if this is true. I have read that the author did interviews in which he acknowledged this but from his website I found no such information.

Why would you look at his website? Because there are thousands of emails circulating about what a terrible evil man he is because he wrote books that kill God and I find it better to use a little common sense and do some research for myself before I jump off the deep end and start saying things that I can't know since I have neither read the book or seen the movie. Plus, I try to know a little about a person before I start badmouthing their life's work.

I want to state again....I have not seen the movie or read the book. I also would like to state that I probably will...do both.

I remember there being a huge outcry about a movie called The Da Vinci Code. Do you remember? It seemed every preacher and priest was urging their congregation to not read the book, don't see the movie. Of course, wanting to know what the big deal was I did.....both.

I found that it doesn't take much to scare Christians. Which I find sad... you know... since I am one. The Da Vinci Code spoke of Jesus being married and having a child. Apparently this was terrible. How dare Jesus do anything so awful. Seriously....does it change your beliefs if you found out that Jesus had married and had a child? Does it change all the good He did? Does it change what He did for you?

In my view... if it does...then you seriously need to look deep within your self. The book took nothing away from Jesus, it just added a possibility...one of which you are free to disagree with.

Anyway, getting back to the new thorn in Christians side....

The Golden Compass may very well be about killing God, I don't know for sure because I haven't seen it. And guess what unless you went to the movies last night to view it...neither have you. However, according to a Catholic group they aren't saying that there is anything wrong with the movie....just the books.

OK, so don't go to the movie because suddenly your children will want the books and you will be under a spell that will render you helpless to resist.

How about just telling your children no. I mean you are their parent.

Or maybe....you buy the book and read it first yourself to determine if it really is as bad as others are saying. Maybe it could open up some dialogue between your child and you. Sit down and have a conversation about something that is important.

If your child reads the book will all their Christian upbringing be for not? Will they suddenly be brainwashed into believing what is in those pages? Will they be so blinded by what they read that their minds are no longer their own? Or are we more afraid of it ourselves because it is different? Are we afraid that it may lead to questions that we are not prepared to answer?

At what point do parents need to trust that they have done their job in raising their children and allow them to make their own decision on movies, books, religion? Are we so close minded as parents that we are incapable of realizing that there is more than one way to arrive at the same ending?

This movie is one that I plan to see....and I plan to read the book. Given that my children are too young to see such a movie and can't read I don't have to worry about whether to let them see/ read it.

However, when they are older I hope that we are able to take adventures in which we are all given the opportunity to question and converse about things that are important. I don't want my children to be carbon copies of myself and believe what I believe simply because it was what I believed thus it must be true. I want them to find their own truths...their own path....and their own faith, because in my house faith is personal...and so are books.

Don't see the movie or read the book...that is fine with me. Please, however, refrain from spreading your fear in my direction because not seeing something because someone of some one's brother's cousin's neighbor sent you an email that said it was evil doesn't prove anything other than you are easily manipulated by fear....which I guess means you shouldn't see the movie anyway.

closed

Papers signed.........garage door openers left.....keys given........no longer homeowners.

Sad, yes. Overjoyed, yes. ...and feeling a little displaced and homeless.

Family now living in my home.....enjoy, it carries many wonderful memories and a few quirks that I hope you learn to love.

warning....fomula users please read!

Moms...please take note that the formula you use may be causing harm. Check here and here for information regarding the latest results in BPA found in formulas and the best way to keep your baby safe.

It seems there is no end to the terrors we must protect our children from. Please pass along to any mother who uses formula.

a plead to close.....now

I'm beginning to feel like I need to hold my breathe where this whole house closing is concerned. We were due to close last Friday then there was issues with the buyers lender so it was pushed until this week...and here it is Thursday and still no word from the attorney that we will close tomorrow so I'm guessing now it will be next week.

I hope we actually close...I hope all of this time and energy hasn't been wasted. I know the family buying the house really wants it and we really want to sell it...sort of...yes we really want to sell it.

So please please please attorney's office....call me...now... and let me know that we are closing tomorrow so I don't have to spend the weekend worried that this may not end up happening. Let each family spend the weekend basking in the glow of a wonderful house exchange.

PLEASE!!!!! I don't think begging is working....any other ideas??

insanity takes many forms...including Julia Roberts

I'd like to take a sick day today. This head cold has left me with no energy, a massive sinus headache, and seriously wishing for more sleep and the ability to breathe.

But, as any mother knows....sick days do not exist in this field. Sick or not you must pull your bum out of the bed and tend to the children. You must feed them...clean up after them....and attempt to keep them from burning down the house. Oh, your kids don't attempt to burn down the house...must just be my kids.

Anyway, I'd like to call in sick today but my bosses who climbed in the bed with me last night and this morning are refusing to give me the day off. They keep demanding food and the right to venture outside to ride their bikes. They don't seem to care that I am not well. They don't even seem to notice.

I thought of going over their head.....you know take the matter to their bosses but so far my phone calls aren't being answered, my emails unreturned, my pleads falling upon deaf ears.

So, I'm pleading to my head cold....please leave, right now. I can't seem to think straight with you occupying my noggin and there is too much work to be done so please...pretty please...give me a break. Come back in say 15 years when they can at least get their own food and care for themselves without my necessary supervision.

Maybe the answer is to go on strike...mothers around the world unite! Better pay, better health care, better hours. Yeah, I'm sure that is the answer...it's bound to solve all my problems.

I'm officially on strike! How do you think the bosses will take that? Your right....they will be as demanding as ever. Still a nice thought though....goes right along with the dream I had of rescuing Julia Roberts from her cocaine using parents last night.

Yeah I know, insane dreams for an insane lady...

circuit city...fix my freaking tv before I go insane and leave it on your doorstep

Dear Circuit City,

I realize that this is a busy time of the year for you. I know that there are thousands upon thousands of electronic seeking crazies out there just searching for the next great gadget. I know that you are flooded with calls but would it hurt you to fix my husbands rather expensive giant television?

I wouldn't be so outraged if you had say fixed this thing within the first month but no, here we are well into month two and still this TV is unusable. Why would I pay $2500 to have a TV that doesn't work? Why should I pay to have the extended warranty if you aren't going to fix the freaking thing in a reasonable amount of time?

I have called several times and spoke with several of your "customer relations professionals" and all I get is, "Mam we have sent an email and should receive an answer within the next couple of days".

Excuse me but I'm tired of hearing the same thing over and over....a couple of days were up 5 weeks ago. Also, is it too much to ask that you pick up the freaking phone and call the person rather than relying on yet another email to these mystery people who get to make the call on how best to fix the TV?

Obviously the emails aren't working because here I am into week 6 and still no answer.

I'm getting extremely pissed off and frankly I don't have time to deal with all this crap. You see I'm in the middle of selling my home, living in someone elses and looking to purchase a home 2 states/6 hours away while raising 4 year old twins and a 7 month old without most of my belongings.

BUT, lucky me....I have a $2500 broken television sitting in my master bedroom floor which in my book makes the TV......WORTHLESS. Isn't the whole idea of having a TV so that you can.....watch it? I realize it is doing a wonderful job collecting dust for us currently but I'd much rather watch some HOUSE in HD say....before Christmas when I'm sure to have lost all remaining patience.

Sincerely,
A tired customer about to cancel her account and leave this giant pain of a tv on your doorstep