four letter word

It's finally happened. I've heard those dreaded words from my child...from this little person who I love so dearly.

"Mommy, I HATE you."

After immediate tears (from me) and a conversation (with Erin) about how using the word hate isn't appropriate (we should use "I don't like" instead because words can hurt) I've realized this is more like a right of passage than a critic on my relationship with my daughter.

Sure, in her 4 year old mind I'm sure she hates the fact I make her clean up her messes. I'm sure she hates the fact I scold her and even punish her when she acts out. I'm sure she hates that she is stuck with me constantly instead of quality daddy time.

I get it...her life isn't a bed of roses right now. However....and I say this strongly.

What the hell????

I used to pride myself in thinking I could handle it when my child said this. I knew that when it happened it would most likely be because I was doing my job as a parent. I was standing my ground and carrying through with needed morals and rules.

I just didn't expect the words to exit my 4 year old daughter's mouth. Four....isn't that a little young to hate your mother???

I shouldn't be taking this so hard...she also informed me she hates monsters, hates kissing boys, and hates hates hates it when I'm mean. Apparently every time I correct her I'm a horrible boy kissing monster who in her mind is perfectly acceptable to hate.

It just stings more than I ever thought possible. I was prepared (or hoped I would be) for when my teenagers informed me of their disdain for my rules and requirements. I knew it would happen then...I expected it then. Even knew preteen was a possibility, but 4....that I wasn't ready to experience.

I suppose it is inevitable that at some point in time a mother will hear those dreadful words from their child. I just wonder if a mother is actually ever capable of not allowing emotions to come into play after the words hit the air?

Is it possible to hear such words and not be affected? Are we so wrapped up into our children that with a quick tongue lashing we can be brought to our knees when we should be taking it all with a grain of salt?

I suppose the true answer depends upon the child and situation. My daughter doesn't actually hate me...she simply disliked my course of action. In other situations maybe it allows the mirror to pass before our eyes and see an error in ourselves.

While I believe my daughter meant no harm the mirror did pass before my eyes and let me tell you...I'm absolutely frightened of my daughters as teenagers. I'm not prepared. Hopefully the next 9 years will prepare me and allow me to become a better parent.

As mothers we are called to be many things for our children I just don't believe we are ever prepared for the many things are children are to us. We expect to teach and mold our children but along the way our children in return teach and mold us. Hopefully in the end we are all better because of it.