I enjoy writing. I do it almost every day now. I've noticed however that the more I write the more my mind works as if I were writing. Take today for example.
After sending our Aussie family on their way yesterday, today was to be a return to normal schedule. While on our way to swim my father drove past us, looked right at me, then continued on his way.
I spend the next 45 minutes trying to rid my mind of the passing. If it had been anyone else I would have remained unshaken looking forward to my swim. With it being him I immediately fell apart and have remained as such.
All day I find my mind writing short stories about the passing. Dialogue runs through my mind as if I were reading a book.
"She spoke to everyone as if nothing had happened all the while wanting nothing more than to retreat to the couch. She could plant herself there for the next three days and silently deal with the pain she felt, the pain she felt every time she saw him now. She just wanted to disappear but even that she knew would not give her the answers she wanted.
Why was it so difficult to love her?
What was wrong with her?
Trying to shake the thoughts from her head she dove back into conversation wondering if her heart breaking was loud enough for everyone around her to hear? Did it register on her face?
It mustn't...no one asked if something was wrong. She would be safe at least for now. She knew that if someone were to ask she would become unglued and there just isn't time for that."
It rattles on and on in my mind about everything. Today was no different...only the context more straining on the heart, filled with a sadness, and just wanting the thoughts to vanish.
I wonder how true writers deal with this inner voice? Do they carry recorders to help catch the words spilling out or is there a trick to harnessing it so that when you sit to write it is contained and free flowing?
Or, am I simply in need of a good nap and possibly a good dose of meds from the ol' doctor?
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