parenting....survivor style

We interrupt this move to bring you more interesting parenting tidbits.

I am in the midst of raising twin 4 year olds. The whole twin part I don't give much thought about...I just have two kids the same age. This whole 4 year old thing....it's kicking my bum.

We are right between being a toddler and trying (desperately wanting but not quite there) to be a kid. We are in the midst of why. At least 400 times a day I am asked why questions. It's never ending.

Since these twins are my first children they are the experiment. They are the learning curve in motion. They are the mistakes of parenting brought to light. They, are my first.

I don't remember much about them as babies. I missed out on so much because there was always so much to do. Someone always needed fed, someone always needed changed. Oh, and the laundry....oh my lord.

As they grew, parenting became more of a challenge and I quickly missed my babies... yet there was always more going on than I could keep up with. At age 2 I thought I was going to have my children taken from me because they loved to escape.

I kid you not. They would wait until I went to the bathroom to pee and out the door they went. They would work together...have one distract me while the other escaped. Someone it seemed was always missing.

I installed alarms on all the doors and still they continued. I would go running at the sound of the alarm and yet they would hide, thinking it was funny. They always seemed to have one over on me.

I can't even begin to explain the many tears I shed and the worry and stress that surrounded each day. I just knew that the neighbors were going to call DSS and my children would be pulled from my home because of my inability to keep them indoors or clothed for that matter.

Luckily, we survived. We waged the war and when age 3 arrived I thought maybe things would calm down.

Yes, this age was different. Less stress, less worry....not so much. Now, they colored furniture, walls, and anything else they could find. They began to climb walls and the hiding became more ridiculous. We battled potty training....and battled and battled.

They began to have more of a mind on their own which was wonderful but completely overwhelming at the same time.

Now, age 4. This is proving to be the most challenging yet. I still feel like I'm battling potty wars. One has an incredibly difficult time getting to the bathroom in time and the other has such constipation many a tear are shed.

They have attitudes like teenagers and a smart mouth to match. They have thought processes that leave me bewildered and laughing all at the same time. They are so desperately trying to be children yet somehow caught between two worlds.

I realize that I am part to blame for their confusion as their little lives have been changing more often that I seem to change wee ones diaper. New homes, new experiences, new challenges.

During this year 4 I'm finding that I am not as intelligent as I had hoped. I do not know why a rock is just a rock. I don't know why God thought it was better for Jesus to be on the cross than himself. I don't know why that red truck is parked beside the road or why some man we just passed is smiling.

Unfortunately, "I don't know" doesn't appease 4 year olds. And any answer given only leads to another why and another why and another why until I can't even remember where I'm going or my name for that matter.

I find that I hurt their feelings more often than they or I would like. I have found that my patience is easily tested and that I'm so grateful for bedtime.

In all the craziness that seems to envelope our lives I find that I love them more than I ever felt possible. I want to hold them close and protect them from the world and yet know that doing so will only harm them more. I want to help them become the wonderful young women they are destined to be and yet find myself banging my head against the wall because the road is such a long one.

With parenting it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day that the end result seems unattainable. However, keeping one eye on the goal is helping to serve as a reminder that all the hard work pays off....even if not right away....or even if not in my lifetime.

Because.....being a parent means you walk with a lot of faith. Faith that you can make it though the day. Faith that small things like picking noses and making it to the potty will end just before larger concerns appear. Faith that not only will your children survive you but that you can survive your children....and survive yourself.