Life right now is more like a tornado. I awake most days not knowing which end is up or the best way to tackle the day. I'm working desperately to keep my lovely girls from tearing my in-laws home apart and for all my work I still feel we would be better living in a box. I know that during our stay I will infuriate my mother-in-law with my less than stellar cleaning ability with the little ones running around, I know the kids will inevitably break something, and several choice words will be spread that in essence we are destroying their home.
It saddens me, I don't want this to happen...I'm trying my best to keep it from happening but with all the wishing and praying I know there is nothing I can do to stop it. It will happen, it's only a matter of time because even the most understanding people reach their limits.
I had hoped that once we were settled into the beach house our lives would calm down, we would be able to regain a sense of normalcy...but it would seem normalcy is taking a hyadis. Perhaps it is the fact that we know this isn't out home, perhaps it is the fact that we don't know what/where/when things are going to happen. We live life in limbo unsure of what the future holds.
I think all of this change is giving way to my enemy, depression. I am finding it more and more difficult to get out of the house. I want to...I know I need to, but it keeps getting harder and harder to push myself through that door. I would rather crawl into bed and just hide under the covers. I feel as if I'm trying to alienate myself from my very own life, and I don't want that.
The hope is that as long as I continue to pick myself up by my bootstraps I will keep it from gaining too hard of a hold and will ultimately regain a sense of happiness rather than appending doom.
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