because a mom is a girl's saving grace

*Today's blog is dedicated to my mother*

Eleven years ago today my mother lost her mother. My grandmother passed away just one week before Christmas, leaving her family struggling to find a way to make it thought the holidays without her. Since she was the glue that had held our family together it was the loneliness Christmas any of us had experienced.

Reflecting back upon this time I realize that it must have been most difficult upon my mother. She had the youngest children and she was the only daughter. She would be the one that must pick up the slack now in the rope with the matriarch gone. She had been the one to care for her mother...for years.

The depth of the relationship between my grandmother and mother is one I can only imagine and base upon the closeness I share with my own daughters. However, even that wouldn't give it justice...my mother had spent 37 years with her mother.

My mother had watched her mother fight cancer long after the doctors said she had only 6 months to live. She had maneuvered her way through high school while watching her mother come so close to death.

My grandmother had survived...and so had my mother.

Many many years later my mother watched yet again as my grandmother fought for her life. This time the fight would be too difficult...this time she wouldn't survive. Yet, she did the one thing she was strong enough to do...the one thing she knew she needed to do for her daughter. She gave her daughter her dying words...her last words.

Quietly and clearly my grandmother said, "Andrea, I love you."

My grandmother never spoke again.

I must admit for many years I was extremely jealous of my mother over this fact. I was young, scared, and felt I had lost my best friend. I was angry. How dare my grandmother die the day after my birthday, how dare my mother keep me away from my grandmother as she was dying.

I'm glad to say I have peace now. I'm still rather heartbroken but I have a peace that I believe still eludes my mother. The older I have gotten, the more I understand my mother's heartache.

She had lost her mother, her guide, her heart. My mother was old enough to know what she was loosing, yet knew she must remain strong because she had children and now had her entire family to carry on her shoulders...she was now the matriarch.

I know when this time rolls around my mother feels a sadness so deep within that it overwhelms her. I know that my birthday has become a reminder of the loss of her mother. I know she aches for her mother.

So today, on this very sad day I want my mother to know that I love her as deeply as the heartache she feels. I want her to know that while her mother is gone she has done an incredible job at making sure her mother's legacy will live forever. I want her to know that I understand.

Mom, I love you!