35 weeks and counting

What is it about pregnancy that plays with your mind? I mean its bad enough your body doesn't work correctly. You spend every five minutes running to the bathroom (or rather waddling), you are either always hungry or always thirsty, and you break into tears over the silliest things or become angered by even sillier things.

As if all this wasn't enough your body had morphed itself into some odd shape all the while your insides get thumped every time your child decides to move. But the thing that drives me crazy is the fact that there are days I can't remember anything and other days my mind is on hyper drive and I can't seem to shut it off long enough to have a moment of peace.

I am thinking about if I have every possible little thing this baby could need…do I have diapers, clothes, burp clothes, wipes, monitor, blankets, and the 500 other things that he might use. I'm thinking about if I should go ahead and pack a bag for the hospital or am I confident enough to make it to the planned delivery date. I'm wondering if I do go into labor early do I have a plan for the girls or will I simply be driving myself to the hospital with two 3 year olds cheering me along.

Then there are the fears/thoughts/questions over every little thing that changes in your body over the next few weeks. Is it normal that you suddenly are in pain when you pee from the pressure…is it normal that suddenly you can't seem to get enough to drink regardless of the fact you pee every freaking minute? Is it normal that the sound of people's voice makes you want to claw their eyes out? So far the answers are yes…I'm still normal but with having twins the first go around I didn't fear any of this…it was all so carefully planned out by the doctors as to keep me from going into labor that I was confident in the plan and never questioned every move made.

This go around the doctor is less helpful and more a source of stress. I'm more stressed because I have more to do in a day and frankly most days don't feel like doing it. Because it's so different this go around it seems people are less likely to be helpful and seem to forget I'm 8.5 months pregnant and after being on my feet all day long caring for two 3 year olds I'm tired and don't feel like fixing a nice dinner or for that matter doing anything besides sleeping or resting in front of the TV. Last time at this stage of the game I was on bed rest and had no one to care for other than myself. I was alone at home during the day and was catered to by my husband upon his return from work. Even with the complications it was easy, simple.

This go around one child is always screaming for something…there is so much laundry…so many dirty dishes…so many things that must get done during the day for the girls and I feel like I have little to no help getting them accomplished. Maybe I was spoiled the first go around but it feels like there are those questioning me as to why I haven't ran 3 miles today or haven't managed to keep everything in it's place along the way. I don't look like I'm 15 months pregnant who is under constant dr. orders to stay off my feet…so I must not need/deserve help.

Sure I'm complaining and sure it probably isn't as bad as it sounds but dang it I'm tired, grumpy, and pregnant. Just because I didn't make money today while on my feet doesn't make the swelling or pain any less real. I just want a break! I want to stop feeling like an uncontrollable ball of emotion and I want to stop being annoyed by every little thing people do. I guess…I'm finally tired of being pregnant...so get this boy out of me!!