Making the most of the good...

In the last several months I have begun to miss this blog. Miss the time spent thinking of my children and my parenting. I miss the time I would take to look a little deeper and write about something that had meaning to me.

I'd like to say that in my absence things have increasingly gotten easier with parenting. That would be a lie. Being a parent of twins is trying, but a parent of 4 can be maddening.

Someone is always upset with another. One is always jealous of another. Everyone needs and deserves attention. Everyone is facing a challenge all their own. Yet, with four of them and only one of me those special moments of undivided attention are far and few between.

With the insight of a very dear person I came to realize that if I wanted my parenting to get better I was going to need to "build us up" and spend the extra energy to make sure even when the day was difficult those four amazing lives felt loved, and knew that no matter what would happen I would always be there for them.

It isn't easy admitting that you fall short of the expectations of yourself. There's always that pressure to be perfect. Your kids must be given just the right thing, what is socially acceptable at the moment. No more jars of baby food, good mothers make their own. No more regular diapers, good mothers use something that is "green" and Earth friendly. No more easy dinners, good mothers make sure their kids are getting all the veggies and nutrients they need. The list is endless.

Just so we are clear, by these definitions I'm a terrible mother. I never made my kids baby food, I have never used a "green" diaper, and I have been known to allow my kids to have ice-cream for dinner.

If I look at my parenting from the vantage point of this "perfect" mother I would spend lots of time punishing myself for not being perfect and as I'm trying to learn perfection is impossible.

Perfection, it's such a tricky word. Practice makes perfect...I think I heard it 1000 times growing up. I'm sure most of you are familiar with the phrase, too. We grow up thinking perfection is the goal. It isn't a goal, it isn't even realistic.

The new goal for not only myself but my children as well, is to make the most of the good and the least of the bad. This isn't easy either, but I believe it is a better destination. If worked towards it helps allow my children the opportunity to be optimists. Which is something I have never been.

I want them to see things positively, believe in miracles, and instead of instantly going to worst case scenario be able to see the good in something. I don't want them to be me. I don't want to color their view of the world to the point they've lost before they've even started.

I want my children to be able to dust themselves off after facing something bad, something difficult, and walk away feeling stronger because of it...not defeated.

I'm not entirely sure how we will reach this goal as even my humor tends to be pessimistic. However, they deserve the chance to embrace all that is possible, so I must dig deep and make sure I'm not the one holding them back.

It won't be easy, and at times it may be down right miserable (for me) but sometimes you have to be able to laugh at pain, at difficulties, and know that survival is possible.

After all, it isn't about seeing the glass half empty or full...it's about realizing that you've been given the glass in the first place. How you decide to fill it will be the story of your life.