does a mom ever really get to leave the home?

I used to be one of three SAHM within my husband's family...now there is only I. The other two have found rewarding (at least I'm hoping) opportunities within their children's schools.

Each day they drop off their children and then stick around to teach and fulfill other responsibilities. They have found a way to continue being a hands on involved mom while also creating some cash flow and being something other than a crazed house mom.

I guess I'm slightly envious since most of my days still involve keeping a house from burning to the ground while it occupies my three children. All day I clean, prep food, clean, change diapers, clean...oh and did I mention clean.

Laugh as you may but that is mainly what I do each day. By the way, I'm very sick of cleaning. No matter how much I do there is always more. I just want to end the cycle.

There is however a problem I see. Returning to work doesn't end this cycle. As my lovely sister-in-law has pointed out she not only is working now but she is still having to complete all of her other duties at home.

I honestly believe that some of my husband and I's arguments are fueled by the existence of "he works, she doesn't" attitude. My husband would say he is the first to point out that what I do is difficult but I often wonder if this is believed.

If I was to return to work would the work at home suddenly become shared? Would dishes and laundry and bathroom cleaning become a partnership? I must point out that my husband does help with the dishes and will occasionally do a couple other chores so it isn't as if I am completely alone on the whole housework issue...but you get my point.

I also realize that there are some husbands out there that do the cleaning and even the cooking. I wonder though, with the housework as a whole will a wife always in some way be the stay-at-home spouse? Regardless of employment beyond the homes walls will she be the one who must carry the work within the walls?

Some of this I believe is our own fault. We have a certain way we want things accomplished, a certain place things must be put. When our spouses offer help with the dishes do we feel the need to make remarks when they don't know where the dishes go or because they don't load the dishwasher as we would wish or are unable to wipe down the counter as we would like do we feel as if they weren't really helping? "Well, if he really wanted to help he would do it the way he knows I like it done."

Are we in essence hitting a gift horse in the mouth? Would we rather short change ourselves by taking on more than we must or would we rather have help?

Do we have the right to complain when we scoff at help when it's offered simply because, "he won't do it right"?

I suppose there is no simple solution, so perfect answer. There however is hope that we can all work towards a more equal partnership in which both parent, clean, work, and hopefully have fun.