After reading my blog list this morning I've come to realize that as mothers we take way too much crap from other people. Somehow we let people who know very little about our lives influence our decisions.
For example, take the ever popular IzzyMom battling the leash. I instantly understood her frustrations because I actually caved in after family and friends spoke out against the purchase of one. Looking back, it might have made life with twins easier and maybe I should have stood up and did what I wanted.
Why as mothers do we fall victim to every one's opinions? Why do passing strangers feel the need to comment on what they feel we are doing wrong?
Not so long ago going to church with the girls was miserable. They didn't want to sit still, they wanted to run around and explore. We would bring toys and coloring books but even with these items our children would occasionally speak out loud during mass as the most inopportune times. We would be told by complete strangers that our children belonged in the cry room (which if you don't' know is this terrible room in which you are allowed to watch the church service through windows...cut off from civilization). These other members of the parish would speak their "concern" aloud to us in rather unfriendly ways.
I don't know how many evil looks I would receive during mass and often would leave feeling defeated and unwelcome which isn't the way anyone should leave a church service.
Going grocery shopping I would be seen chasing a child or scolding a child....on really bad days someone would hear me threaten to spank my child if they didn't behave. This of course received many unwelcomed looks.
It was a no win situation. If my children ran around acting like....children, I would be scolded by these other people to please control my children. If I attempted to control them, I received scoldings about how it wasn't appropriate for me to do so.
So what the hell did these people want from me? They wanted my children to be poster children. Those cute little kids who sit and are always behaved. I'm sorry but my children are all child. They love to explore, they love to run, they love to enjoy life. I correct them when they do something that is uncalled for or inappropriate, but I want my children to enjoy their childhood.
So, I'm empowering myself....if you don't like the fact that my children may get overly excited by getting to visit the toy aisle or that they cry when their feelings are hurt or that they think that church lasts too long sometimes, or that they get impatient when having to wait 35 minutes for their food then by all means walk on by....give me your dirty look....share your thoughts. BUT....don't expect me to change my children to soot you. So you don't agree with how I am raising my children...GOOD....they aren't your children.
I am not a perfect mother. I don't have perfect children...and guess what neither do you. I know your are recovering from shock right now but it's high time we embrace our flaws....our imperfectness. No longer should we attempt to carry that "perfect mommy image" because in the end all it does is break us down and leave us feeling like regardless we have failed.
When you visit my house chances are it will be dirty. There will be toys on the floor along with a few crumbs. The dishes may not always be done and the beds may not be made. My car may be filled with toys, diapers (hey at least they are clean), a nursing pillow, and crumbs. I may be scatter brained more often than not and be incapable of carrying on an adult conversation but I guarantee my children will look back and know they enjoyed their childhood.
They won't remember the dishes being clean or dirty. They won't remember if some goofy stranger didn't approve of how they acted, but they will remember the relationship they had with their momma and if they had fun or not.
So take off your perfection hat and embrace a little craziness...it just might make your children's day....and maybe even yours.
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4 comments:
For all the times you remember the harsh words or looks given at church, I hope you will also remember the kind words, the lollipops, the positive, supportive comments they received. Sometimes, it's much easier to dwell on those few unpleasant experiences and overlook the positive ones. We've all got the disapproving looks from strangers, but it's the kind words from friends and acquaintances that have the most meaning.
AMEN!
Of course I remember the positive but I think the point is missed. The point being that it's okay if my children aren't perfect little angels, it's okay if people want to give me looks, in the end mothers should feel more confident in their choices and less guilty when strangers question them. It's about empowerment.
First of all, thanks for the comment! I looove that you're blogging now!
And I totally agree. Perfection is far from my middle name, and I'm proud of that. If leaving the living room floor scattered with toys all day means I have time to spend with my munchkin then who cares?
And I use a "leash" if needed. E is at the point in her life where she refuses to be strapped into or sitting in anything while we're out and about. She actually enjoys wearing her fuzzy monkey, and getting the chance to run free while remaining close to mama.
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