filling in the missing branch

My girls tend to ask a lot of questions...a lot! They aren't all those annoying silly questions either. Some are very important questions about their family. They want to know why someone wanted to get married, why someone moves, even why one gets to see and talk to their godparents more than the other.

Occasionally the questions get rather difficult. "You know that man with the cows and the dog and cat? Why don't we see him? Why doesn't he call or visit us?

And while I'm never sure how to answer these questions because you can't tell a child that said person just doesn't make any effort to see them. One, they wouldn't understand and two, it could upset and hurt their feelings if they somehow did understand.

So I do my best to sidestep the answers and divert their attention to something else. However, I've come to realize how this can be damaging in it's own way.

Like my children I used to ask my dad lots of questions about his family. Like me, my dad never answered the questions. I asked about his dad and he would almost totally ignore my questions or reply with, "why are you asking me this?" to which he would then become busy and unable to talk.

When he would talk about family visiting he would talk to me like I had a clue about what was going on. Honestly, I don't know who anyone is in his family besides his mother, and his siblings...and even his brother I don't really know. I think I could count on my fingers the number of times I've seen him.

So I've made a decision. I may not truly know my father or his extended family, but that doesn't mean my children should grow up knowing nothing about them. The tricky part comes when they ask to see thier grandfather, which at this point wouldn't happen but they deserve to know who their family is and where they come from.

Given this new direction I opened an account with ancestry.com last night. Within minutes I had my mother's side of the family traced beyond my great-great grandparents. Granted it helped that I knew my great grandparents names, birthdays, and death dates...along with their children and their dates.

My dad's side, well that is proving to be a little difficult. The only information I had to go on was my grandfather's obituary which provided no birth date, no information on his wife, and only a state for his birth place.

I was able to find information about his parents but that caused more trouble. I was importing information that I wasn't very sure was correct. I was flying blind.

So I reached out to my aunt who is willing to help me fill in some gaps which might allow me to at least be able to tell my children the names of my dad's family. I may not have stories about them to share as I do for my mom's family but at least I can give them something. My search continues, and hopefully it will lead to some small revelations along the way. If nothing else it's an adventure.

my friend, shall we play doctor

It's midnight and you are awoken by a sick 7 month old. You find that your baby has a 102 fever and has green drainage coming from both eyes. Your cell phone has the pediatricians cell phone number. Do you use it?? What if the doctor was also a friend?

I hear stories all the time about parents calling on the doctor the minute anything goes wrong with their child and while this is understandable with first time parents it must become a difficult situation for the doctor, especially if that doctor is also a family friend.

We moved back to WV because it was an area we knew. Our children would be taught by teachers we knew and trusted, and thus came the possibility of having friends also be your doctor...your children's doctor.

Since living here I have had two different doctors, both of which I consider a friend, give me their personal cell phone number to use in case something came up.

I have also had phone calls from others requesting this information so that they could call upon these doctors late in the evening.

However, I have a strict policy. If it's an emergency, I go to the emergency room. If the ER is not necessary, I call the doctors office and go through the proper channels to have my children or myself seen and treated. And more importantly, I never give out a private number unless advised that it's okay to do so.

Trust me, there has been more than one time in which I wanted to use those numbers because it would have made things easier. But I reminded myself that these people are more than doctors, they are wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, and friends. If every patient that they had called each time they had a question or concern I don't think they would get much family time.

Now I know that each family is different and each doctor is different. There are doctors that welcome this intrusion, expect it. I guess it's possible they all do. My kids doctor even said, "that's part of why I'm a doctor, I know it will happen".

For me, I just believe there is a fine line that can easily be crossed when your friend is also your doctor...and I would rather do what I can to respect each relationship and attempt to keep from crossing a line in which my friend is bothered by my phone calls or visits.

What do you think? Is calling your friend/doctor any different than calling a fellow mom for advice? Has there ever been a situation in which your doctor or your kids doctor called for parenting advice?

growing isn't just for children

Yesterday I'm laying on a table in PT with heat on my back when that little song begins to play over the speakers. Upon hearing such a sound anyone who has spent any time in the hospital knows a sweet little life has entered the world.

Up until now that sound was so sweet and full of promise. Granted, it still is...I'm just sad because no longer will I be found on the opposite end. Go ahead, gasp, you know you want to.

Why on earth would a busy mother of 4 desire any more children knowing full well she has her hands full? Just to clarify, I'm content with my 4. It's just sad to think that I will never again touch my belly noticing the sweet movements within that indicate a miracle is approaching.

I know I'm privileged. I've had 3 healthy pregnancies. Each may have provided a couple of hiccups that allowed for discomfort but all my children were healthy beautiful babies and momma was in the hands of skilled professionals. All was well in baby land.

When I gave birth to my first son I knew immediately that I would want to try for one more. While also knowing before I gave birth to Conor that he would be my last. At the time I didn't think much of that decision other than it was the right decision for my family and I. I wasn't prepared for the emptiness that has followed.

Upon getting married I was pregnant before the year was out with twins no less. Since that moment I have been more mother than anything else. Each day began with children and usually ended as such. For the past 7 years I have either been pregnant or caring for children as my main profession.

Conor however seems to be on a mission to remind me that my baby days are numbered and sooner rather than later I will be in need of other day to day activities. I'm trying very hard to hold on to every moment with Conor, but with every moment I'm also reminded that this too shall pass.

And while I know that growth and change are good for my kids I would gladly freeze time to squeeze just a couple extra years at the current stages. The thought of the girls becoming teenagers, the thought of Michael becoming a child rather than my toddler, the thought of Conor continuing his quest for movement seems to be bringing more and more tears to my eyes.

There is a parenting philosophy that shares that at the end of parenting it isn't only the child that is transformed but the parent as well. So onward I travel since I have no other choice. I guess the saying is true,

"It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't".

whirlwind of 4

So much seems to be happening in my household. With 4 little ones running around someone is always needing something or needing to go somewhere. There is barely enough time to shower and brush my teeth on a daily basis.

Currently, the girls are extra busy with soccer and school. Reading has become much easier for Ireland while Erin continues to excel. Soccer is a hit or miss as far as how excited the girls are to play.

Ireland seems to have a natural talent for it but too often seems to be unprepared for the physical contact. Granted I suppose she does have some reason to complain as with each practice she seems to take a ball from midfield to the abdomen. That combined with a boy who seems to think that pushing and shoving girls to the ground is fun I can see how some days she would rather cry than deal.

Erin tries with soccer but would much rather be elsewhere. She wants to try tennis but I think we might have to wait a while on that one. I'm caught between being the supportive mom who lets them explore and keeping my sanity through simplifying the schedule as much as possible.

Michael continues to make us all smile while pulling at our heartstrings. He is still adjusting to daycare as drop offs in the morning are full of tears and pleas. Usually I leave him crying as I begin to cry myself. I know he has fun once I've left but leaving him is so difficult.

And Conor....oh Conor. My baby, what am I going to do with you? The moment he was placed in my arms he seemed to already know what he wanted. He seems the be the happiest and most well adjusted of us all. He also seems to be on a mission to prove he isn't just the "baby".

Tomorrow he will be a mere 6 months old and already he is crawling, sitting up, and attempting to pull himself up. I so wanted him to stay small.

Knowing he would be my last I wanted to bottle as much "baby" time as I could. Soak it in and make memories that would help me make it through the coming years.

Once again I'm reminded that my children are only mine for a short while and have their own lives to live. Time will not slow just because I desire more baby moments or sanity. I have a job to do, and raise these kids I shall do...but I can't guarantee I won't have lots of fun along the way.